NY Jets Suck

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The 2012 NFL Draft is happening right now at Radio City Music Hall. The energy is high, the stakes are great, and the stench of hair gel and tanning lotion from all the Guido Jets fans can only be described as overwhelming.

Asked what their goal is for the 2012 Draft, the Jets say they are just hoping they don't end up drafting another big puss like when they drafted Mark Sanchez back in 2009. 

A source deep inside the Jets organization tells us that after spending the afternoon at an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese buffet in the outskirts of Ronkonkoma, New Jersey, Coach Rex Ryan missed the 2nd and 3rd round picks because he was stuck in the bathroom with a downright doozy of a case of the shits. Mike Tennenbaum, the Jets General Manager, worried about the missing Coach Ryan, went to look for him in the bathroom but was immediately overcome by the awful aroma of Rex's wretched rectum.

For those who are actually interested to know who might be the NFL's next Pacman Jones or who the biggest bust from the draft will be, check out the New York Jets 2012 draft picks up to this point:

1st Round...  Quinton Coples  Defensive End from North Carolina

2nd Round...  Stephen Hill     Wide Receiver from Georgia Tech

3rd Round...  Demario Davis  Inside Linebacker from Arkansas State 

So far this draft the Jets have not brazenly and cruelly skipped over a brave cancer survivor like they did last year with Marcus Cannon. But there is still plenty of time left in the 2012 NFL Draft for the Jets to be huge assholes. 

Tim Tebow gets pampered in West Hollywood.

NY Jets quarterback(?) Tim Tebow was treated like a queen on Tuesday getting a manicure and pedicure in the gay sanctuary city of West Hollywood, CA. Tebow was caught getting his feet soaked at a nail salon in the middle of the famed homosexual habitat by TMZ cameramen. 

We can only wonder why Tebow was getting a spa treatment for his feet. Is Tebow trying to curry favor with Coach Rex Ryan who is notorious for his love of feet? Perhaps Tim Tebow has his own fetish for fine feet? 

What do you think about Tebow's fancy foot work? 

Are you ready for some football? If you answered yes I highly recommend you watch a team other than the Jets, because there will be a lot going on, but I can almost guarantee most of it won't be very good football. 

In the case that you are still interested and you want to know who will have the pleasure of taking on - and presumably defeating - the Jets, here is the schedule: 

Week 1 - Aug. 10 or 11 - at Cincinnati Bengals

Week 2 - Aug. 16-20 - vs. Giants

Week 3 - Aug. 26 - vs. Carolina Panthers 

Week 4 - Aug. 30 - at Philadelphia Eagles

So Bengals, Giants, Panthers and Eagles fans: Mark your calendars for the return of NFL football and a particularly easy preseason opponent. 

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